Mama Got ADHD #1

Hey there! In this episode Alicia has the pleasure of interviewing a mama named Alexis. We talk about receiving our diagnoses and some effects of ADHD on our lives. Please come along with us. 

Women and Girls - CHADD

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/data.html

Transcript

Alicia: 0:00

Disclaimer, the following was for education and entertainment purposes only. It does not replace or supersede information and healthcare plans from your healthcare provider or healthcare team. If you have questions about individualized treatment, please consult your healthcare team or previous. Issues with Alicia over here, we're all about ADHD, bipolar and trauma. Today. We're going to talk about ADHD in women. I have a special guest for you, mama named Alexis, and we're going to talk about some of her experiences with ADHD as a woman. We've all seen it. The wild little boy who seems to be everywhere all at one time, he was kinda jumping everywhere, talking, playing with things, somebody and being rough and tumble, and they are either kind of harassing their poor teacher. Or they are, being followed by assumingly harried parents, usually their mom who is desperate to get them to sit down and behave and maybe not touch other people and touch other things to not be everything, everything. This is the stereotypical idea that people have whenever it comes to ADHD, rarely do they include any thought of women and girls having ADHD. And that is not surprising. ADHD is diagnosed at a very high rate for boys, according to the CDC and a 2016 national parents survey about 6.1 million children have ADHD. And that is a rate of about 9.4% of that. One of our breaks down is 388,000 children ages two to five years, 2.4 million. Children ages six to 11 years, 3.3 million children aged 12 to 17 years. Now the rate of ADHD diagnosis for boys, the girls is 12.9% boys. And about 5.6% girls, whenever you get to adults, it's about 13% for men and about 4.2% for. Women. So no matter how you break this down, the rate of diagnosis for boys and men are about three times more than they are for women and girls. Why is this? What is the difference between men and boys? And women and girls. Well, the difference is the fact that data ADHD can look very different in women and girls than it does in men and boys. So it looks so different that the diagnosis age for women, happens to being. Late thirties to early forties. And usually it comes after a child or a family member is diagnosed. Now you have to keep in mind that ADHD symptoms, according to the DSM V five, which is diagnostic manual for psychiatric or fridges medical conditions, says that the symptoms have to be present before the age of 12. When you think about it, these women and girls have been struggling for a very long time with these symptoms. And in many ways they are unseen. Then as a child, I danced on desk in my class. I talked up just incessantly. I was always either kind of spacing out and just focusing very much or something or seemingly focusing very much on something. Or I was just being a busy body and I was unseen at that time. Noone. thought that I could have ADHD. This is so much so that whenever I mentioned it to a psychologist at the age of 16, 17 years old, she contributed my symptoms to depression rather than ADHD, even though my symptoms have been present before the age of 12. And were very much in line with what ADHD looks like in women and girls. In women and girls, a D H D frequently looks like difficulty with time management, disorganization, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty with money management, management, low self-esteem, more emotional and psychological distressed, miss deadlines, appointments, et cetera, people pleasing executive functioning deficits, which we'll get into. And on a later episode, um, feeling like their lives. Utter chaos. There's also masking and masking is pretty much what it sounds like whenever you put a mask over something. Girls and women are much better at this than men and boys which is saying that they're much better at hiding their symptoms than men and boys.A lso they're feeling like their lives are utter chaos, daydreaming quietly in class for girls exhibiting silliness or ditziness for girls, acting shy or inattentive, trouble maintaining friendships. Now this doesn't mean that they can't make friendships. Actually. They easily make friendships. However, the maintenance of those friendships is very difficult. Also, there's picking at the cuticles or skin, definitely perfectionism 100% all day, every day, perfectionism, losing things easily. As a matter of fact, this is something that affects me very much. There's a running joke between my sons, about me losing my house shoes. Also women with ADHD are more likely to have postpartum depression. Then there's also the fidgeting and often needing to get up and walk around, acting impulsively or speaking before thinking, self-harming activities or activities that require extreme and unhealthy the self-discipline. There's adopting compensatory strategies, which is leading to working two to three times as hard as their peers in order to be equally as successful. It's also a fear of rejection by peers or friends and cleaning the other people or remaining an unhealthy relationship. There's also, and sometimes there's also compulsive overeating, a chronic lack of sleep, drinking too much alcohol. And often, while it's not listed as a symptom in many places, there's the co-occurring depression and anxiety, difficult romantic relationships that can lead to intimate partner violence and at least one space in their life which is in disarray, messy house, messy bedroom, or similar personal space. Also girls with ADHD often will become sexually active at a younger age than their peers. This is due to impulsivity, poor planning, or the desire to be cared for by their partner. When they do so, they're at a greater risk of being pressured into unwanted sexual activity or becoming victims of sexual violence and are less likely to use, or be able to insist that their partners use contraception. This is a bit more than being a space cadet. These are real and serious things that can affect women and girls with ADHD. Today, we're going to be speaking with Alexis who has ADHD about her experiences. Hey there, we're here with Alexis, my friend, who also has ADHD and I want it to chat with her as a woman with ADHD, about women with ADHD and her experiences. Alexis, can you introduce yourself please?

Alexis: 9:08

I'm Alexis and I do have ADHD. And I was not diagnosed until I was in my thirties. And I had all sorts of other diagnoses, But just not that one. That's really common though.

Alicia: 9:28

You know, a lot of people I'm doing my research for this episode. I saw women with ADHD characterize as a side. Epidemic because the diagnoses for women with ADHD is just so missed. So from what I saw in the statistics, it was that the rate of girls being diagnosed with ADHD is about half of that, of boys with ADHD. So, it would make sense that as these girls grow and mature and all of a sudden something isn't going the way that society tells you, it should be going, that they're then seeking help and surprise that's ADHD. And that's what happened to me. So, I'm not surprised that we have that commonality and experience. Okay. Alexis, can you tell me your story? Well in relation to the ADHD.

Alexis: 10:39

My ADHD story, which is, cause I've got a long story in terms of, psychiatric diagnosis. So when I was diagnosed, I thought maybe I had adult onset and then it was just that. So I was diagnosed after I had kids. I have a PhD and I had my second kid, right. When I was finishing my doctorate. And, and I thought like the kids just removed my ability to my executive functioning skills. And I do think that that's what happened though, is. Not that they remove them, but that I was always really high functioning. And then when I had more to do, like, if you, when you added the kids on that, I just exceeded my ability to cope. Looking back at it more recently, I realized that I had those symptoms as a kid. And I can remember my father in a, not a mean way, but my father and my stepmother joking around about things that are symptoms of ADHD with me. Like when my whole family, my father calls it, um, we visit, visit another planet. So we're always doing that. And you know, I get lost in something and actually would not hear people talking to me. You know, always been a mess, difficulty finishing things. So all the inner inattentive symptoms, but also, so I am inattentive subset subject, but I still have a bunch of hyperactive impulsivity symptoms. Well, everyone of my family interrupts, that's kind of part of our style, but, you can't talk. Yeah. The word in edgewise unless you interrupt. But I do interrupt a lot. I do things where. Um, well, I always have to be moving, so I knit all the time on now that we're on zoom so that I have my hands busy all the time. Cause people can't see on zoom that I'm knitting, I think. And then what else? I talk a lot. I blurt out answers and, interrupt and I jump from topic to topic. And there is a connection in my head

Alicia: 13:10

trying to make that connection for everybody else, where you have made 30 connections to get to that one point, where's this. And also to explain that as a whole nother, a whole nother endeavor.

Alexis: 13:34

Well, so I usually do, point out to people like how I know this seems unrelated, but this is how I got there. So, so yeah, I remember that I did have symptoms before I was one. Now it's like aged 14, 18,

Alicia: 13:49

12, I think in front

Alexis: 13:50

of me. But it used to be. Aged eight in DSM four. So now I'm in DSM-V it's that you had to have had them? Well you, you know, oh, before age 12, had some symptoms before I was 12. So. No, I just was new for awhile. I thought, oh, or what if I have early onset dementia? And so now I feel like, um, because there is some argument about whether adult onset ADHD is a thing, but I realized that it wasn't adult onset. My first, well, so there was that, but the first recognized issue is depression. And then, starting when I was 12 and then moving on from there, and I've been in therapy since I was 16, and had lots of, I've been to inpatient treatment for eating disorder and a substance use disorder, and nobody caught it, but it probably nobody was looking for it because these disorders are thought to be like male disorders. Um, often are not diagnosed until later in women. If at all. Autism is another one in autism, which is shares genetic liability, risk with aDHD, is something that in girls is being recognized that it's more common than we thought and that girls aren't diagnosed until they're older.

Alicia: 15:18

Well, from what I understand, so much of that has to do with masking, right? There's so many societal pressures for girls and women. You know, you have to look nice. You have to keep a nice house and be organized. And you know, if you don't know what a glitter gun and something is wrong with you, you know what I mean? And there are all these expectations, right? All of these pressures. I was talking to my mom about this today and she was born in 1949 and she is very vehemently against any discussion of societal pressures shaping her. And I'm like, you are a black woman born in 1949. You had to have your husband sign off for you to get a tubal litigation. And he wouldn't do it. You should know a lot about societal pressures, but she's internalized that so much that whenever you mention these things, she vehemently, vehemently defends them. Right. And we get in ridiculous disagreements, right? Two ADHD, people hanging out with 2, 2, 2 different ADHD minds floating around. We get into these things where the argument was something ridiculous. It was like, she, uh, She didn't have a bra on or something like that. Or she hadn't put a bra on. And she was like, well, this ugly. And I was like, oh mom, you know, you say like really harsh things about yourself. Like, I don't like how you talk about yourself, you know? That's a simple example. But she'll, you know, she'll say something it's just. Pitiful that she couldn't get it done or just all these like negative self-talk things that I can imagine have just been beaten into her, you know, her whole life. And now she doesn't know where she began and the external pressures beginning. Because they've now become internal pressure. She's now internalized things. And so with all of those pressures like that on women and girls, it doesn't surprise me. That depression shows up first, then anxiety shows up first. Because you keep telling me that I should be able to do this, that I need to be able to do this. And that if I don't get it done that I'm lazy that I'm this, that I'm, that. You're telling me all of that, but I can't get it done and I'm trying really hard and you don't see me and you don't see how I'm struggling. That can make anybody depressed anybody at all.

Alexis: 18:20

So, yeah. And I think, I mean the ADHD symptoms, show up and we. In terms of, I guess when I introduced myself, didn't say that I'm a psychiatric epidemiologist. So I study these things, and that ADHD does usually have onset before these other things. I don't know if it's causal or not, but it certainly makes sense. And it stories like what you just told. And I think like my mom was always on my case cause I half ass everything that's what she'd say. So that's like, one of these symptoms is not paying attention to detail on everything. Wasn't until an adult that I was an adult. I realized that she half asses everything too. But then you feel like you can't do that.

Alicia: 19:08

Being clean is like a huge value for my family. It's like a guarding tenant of my family and I liked, I liked when stuff is clean. But do you want me to keep it that way? Cause I'm going to be stressed out and need at least three margaritas to keep this house clean for more than two days. And so. I know, right. Sometimes she like do everything and it just explodes out like an overstuffed suitcase and hers, especially. Yes. ADHD kids. So my mom, they used to say that I was like, A rat, leaving a trail of droppings because see, we're not going to be nice about this in my family, a rat, leaving a trail of drop-ins, you know, just my stuff. All they had to do was follow the path of stuff to find me. And I'll be damned. My youngest son literally comes in the door and he explodes out of his clothing. Like he just. Explodes, like he goes from being fully dressed to in his underwear and like a 30 second span of time. I mean, oh my gosh. And so what are you filing? I'm sorry. He has sensory issues. He does not like socks and he is very orally fixated. So he is always chewing something, right. He chews his shirt. Drives me crazy because everything is wet. I know why he's doing it, but I think the anxiety. Amplified it right? Because at one point I bought them chewing necklaces. I was like, if they're going to chew, they're going to chew. You know, I might as well give them something to chew on. And our whole family was like,"Why did they need those for?","Oh my gosh, chewing necklaces!". I, and my mother-in-law is a teacher, as is my mom. And she was like,"Chewing necklaces?!". It was like the most outrageous thing to her that I could buy some chewing necklaces. But I prefer that to my older son chewing the skin around his fingers. I prefer that to my younger son chewing clothes. And I'm pretty sure he's bitten somebody before. Not like another kid, but me or his dad. It just, he needs, they need something to occupy him. They need something to occupy. I mean, I don't know. I I've joked about getting, making a kiddie treadmill so I can just strap them to the thing let them go. But, um, Yeah,

Alexis: 22:15

well, mine is with ADHD. They go they run back and forth to down in the hallway or they can make the circuit like the hallway to the dining room, to the kitchen back around and they just go round and round. Yeah,

Alicia: 22:33

yeah, yeah, no, I get it like before. Our oldest had ADHD. We had an apartment where you will walk in and there was the kitchen. And then on the. Left side, it was going upstairs. And on the right side, no, on the left side, it was upstairs and downstairs and you could ride in a circle. And so we were here in the winter time and where we're very much southerners stuck here. And so. We just gave him his little bike and let him ride it around circles in the kitchen, because it was easier doing that than trying to figure out what else to do with it. What else to do with them, because. He's riding around on the bike. My brain is spinning and I'm getting lost in my phone or a book or whatever. I'm just like checking out. Cause my brain is spinning and I need something to occupy it. Right. My husband is working on a project or playing video games because his brain is spinning. And so. What do you do? You give a kid a bike and you make sure he doesn't fall down the stairs. That's what you do. You put up a baby gate and you let him ride that bike until the carpet is worn down. That's what you do. So, um, Yeah, we have a lot of comments. We have a lot, we have a lot of, couple of people may look at us and like, think we have nothing in common, but we have a lot of common. You know, I'm over here with like a purple Afro and you're like elegant lady and I don't know. So. Okay. In hindsight, what did you wish you had known earlier?

Alexis: 24:34

Oh, wow. They're all sorts of things. Not just about ADHD. I wish I'd known earlier. So about that, I guess I wish that I'd known and had addressed it earlier. I mean, again, just like I was, I was so. High functioning a and B, I had a brother and two brothers with severe issues. So one of them was like quiet, but had very bad ADHD. And the other one also had ADHD and, but he had, conduct issues too. And he was demanding. And so, but I think in terms of, because I got really good grades, then that wasn't something that people thought about. And also I was a girl and I'm 50. And even my brother though, like people, I don't think we're like ADHD. Yes. It was a thing then, but it was more like, oh, he's, he's a space that was just basically that. And not thinking like, oh, there's actually something that. And so an intervention earlier would have helped so that it wouldn't because what happened was I stopped being able to function because I had kids and then those kids had problems, not just like psychiatric problems, but one of my. Uh, or, and developmental disorders have both on the spectrum. But, um, my first daughter, when she was born for years, uh, health problems that where we were in and out of the ER in the hospital. And so then I'm, and I'm trying to hold down this academic job and I'm the primary caregiver to these kids who really need me. And it just got to the point where I. I couldn't, my everything was falling off like, right. Obviously I can deal with a lot and my own mental health problems too. Right, which are more than just ADHD. I can deal with a lot, but I feel like if I, and now I feel like to be able to deal with all of this, I need more than what I had before and that if I would have had the skills in place before the shit really hit the fan of my life, then perhaps I wouldn't have had, because what had happened was I stopped being able to perform at the level I'd performed at before. And then I started to feel really shitty about myself. And I already had problems with depression, but this is just, you know, this spiral. And I became really anxious about my work and my performance. And then it's just this vicious spiral. So then I started to avoid it more. And you know, you hear this a lot, I think is part of the reason why we don't finish things that it makes us anxious. Um, and so did I still like. And a huge procrastinator. Um, and it's debilitating, like into all get, become terrified that if I don't finish it, you know, that people are gonna think bad things about me, which is terrifying to me then I won't, uh, finish that. And yeah, I'm get distracted by all of.

Alicia: 28:30

Bright shiny things are the best.

Alexis: 28:34

Easier, quick.

Alicia: 28:39

That makes a lot of sense. Again, I, I can see commonalities for myself. In that, you know, It's so funny how they miss it when you're younger. And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the diagnostic model due to sexism and racism for a long time, it's been, you know, that wild white boy, you know. And it kind of left the rest of us. It overshadowed the rest of us. You know, I literally danced on desks Alexis. I literally stood on desk in elementary school, in dance. Okay. They blamed it on my asthma medication because it was a liquid. And they said it had a lot of sugar in it. And that it caused me to be hyperactive. It was not the asthma medicine. It was not asthma medicine at all, but they blamed it. You know, they came up with all these things that it was, and it was none of them. You know, I mean, it was nothing that they came up with. Have you ever had a provider say something like, oh, you went to a good school or you get good grades or you do this as a way of kind of negating your concerns about your ADHD symptoms.

Alexis: 30:07

Um, um, no, but that was because nobody ever discussed it, I think until, right until after I had kids. And then I started to, and I was doing research on, I was doing something where I was coding and diagnostic algorithm for ADHD. And so I was really looking at the sentence and now the questions we use to assess it, and then I'm like, Hey, but then I think initially the whatever clinician I told was doubtful, like what did you have symptoms when you were younger? So it goes back to that. Is that the only, just in the past few weeks, did I. We recognize that I had some tools when I was here. So one of my siblings, um, texted me just out of the blue and it's like, I think I have ADHD. And she's in her late twenties. And so then I went through and then we were talking, I'm like,'cause, she's not, she's a half so and F so my other, our other sibling is my full sibling. So the parent that we, and so I like the idea is that I thought it came from. Her mother and not her father. So I'm like, well then I'm like thinking, well, does dad have ADHD? And then we went through all the symptoms and like, oh yeah. But he's also very high functioning, but the thing is like we're academics. And I think, you know, absent minded professor. We're like the absent professor doing all these things. We make these excuses, but somehow we got different professors, so we're high enough functioning to be able to get there, but that doesn't mean that it's not causing distress. And so I think that's part of what you're, you're getting at. They're like, well, you know, you can't have this problem because, um, Well, we have these ideas about that as long as you're functioning and then it's okay. Not, are you functioning optimally,

Alicia: 32:37

right? Um, you know, I, so I'm in a group, it is called black unicorn and it is. People with ADHD have marginalized genders. So it has a very unique space, a very affirming space. And a lot of the stories that I'm seeing are and especially for the adults, you know, the adults seeking diagnosis with just the majority of the group, a lot of the things that I'm seeing are, well, they're saying it's anxiety. Right. They're saying is depression. They're saying that because I have ADHD, they can't prescribe me stimulants because I'm a higher risk for substance abuse, you know, and they're saying all of these things to them and. I was looking at a diagnostic handbook for ADHD. And it says that for ADHD and for depression and anxiety that you treat the thing that is affecting the person more. Right. So if you treat the depression and the problem still there. Are you going to admit that it's not depression or are you going to continue to be bullheaded about what you believe and leave this person hanging? And unfortunately, due to so much of healthcare bias, a lot of, a lot of black people. Black women, black femmes, black trans, like in anything in that realm, a lot of them are being left, hanging by our medical system. And, so that's why I, in particular, wanted to know if you'd ever kind of had like, pushed back about it because I remember. I was 16 or 17, and I was having issues related to what I think maybe the early onset of my bipolar and, they treated the depressive portion. Right. Cause there's always depression. So they treated the depressive portion. But I did not treat anything else on what I said, like, whenever I felt under control, I said, you think I could have ADHD? And they were in, and the clinician who was a black female herself said, no, it's the depression. Isn't that? Isn't that crazy. So I know, I wanted to know if you had experience with that, because I know that's something that a lot of women are going.

Alexis: 35:46

Well, I mean, I, there are so many things about what you said. I keep putting different hats on, but in terms of the first to address the issue of the drugs, and I'm not surprised and very sorry to hear that in terms of. But there's study after study, and terms of, of physicians being unwilling to prescribe things that could be. Addictive because of this stereotype, which is absolutely unfounded data of black people being more likely to be addicted. And that is not true. And I researched substance use disorders, so I know it is not true. So there's that. And then, I mean, there's. Well, you know, so it just across the board there, all of these issues with an bias and it's internalized even among providers who are themselves, people of color. Then in speaking of, in terms of the pushback, not on medication necessarily once but here. So because I have some other lots of other health problems. So I also, I suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness because I have multiple sleep disorders that are not completely controlled. So. Because of that, then a stimulant and like, I can, I can't drive a for very long on the highway. I'll fall asleep. I sometimes fall asleep, the traffic lights and things like that. So a stimulant for that. And I'm always the one who brings up the thing about like, I'm a person in recovery. So I don't, I'm very cautious about taking anything that could be addictive and I'm really. If I weren't a person recovery, sometimes I would probably like when it start to wear off at the end of the day, I take another Vyvanse. But, but I'm so careful about only taking it as prescribed. Um, yeah, but people didn't bring that up. It was more of an issue of, well, you've got all these other things. And so it's the case that, you know, our ADHD can make us. Cause anxiety and depression, but you know, you can have multiple things and the differential diagnosis part is hard. I mean, as we're talking about our kids, for example, and like my kids have are on the autism spectrum. And some of these, a lot of these symptoms overlap for different diagnoses

Alicia: 38:33

I actually saw a statistic that said about maybe approximately 40% of kids with autism that are on the spectrum. Also have ADHD. I don't know how accurate it is, but

Alexis: 38:47

I think that's an underestimate. I think I've read higher.

Alicia: 38:51

I mean, it definitely is a spectrum. And, speaking of neurodivergence, I found it very interesting to find people who classify bipolar as a neurodivergent condition. So I found that very interesting. It's just a huge spectrum and nobody knows what the hell they're doing. They're just throwing stuff at the wall, they're just throwing shit at the wall and seeing if it sticks.

Alexis: 39:18

Well, I recently realized that GSM, which is what we're, you know, how we define things that they weren't even trying to be valid. So valid is like, you know, that you're measuring what you think you're measuring. So it's, you know, we have signs and symptoms that tend to be grouped together, and that is the case, but we're not classifying things the way we classify most physical disorders, by the causes because we don't know the cause. And it's possible that the DSM is a lot of it's wrong. So we, we think of it as the truth in capital letters there. But it's not. And so it could be just that all. Not just, but one of the things that could be going on is that we just have our categories wrong.

Alicia: 40:15

So can you tell me about a time you failed and how you overcame that?

Alexis: 40:27

Well, I went in more. I feel like I fail all the time. I'm very hard on myself. So, yeah, I guess it just depends on, I guess, how you define failing. but certainly there are many, many times where I intend to do something, say I'm going to do something and don't. And then there are times when I feel like I've failed because I haven't done something as well as, as I, so I guess that's a bigger thing where I feel like a failure and I'm in the business where you're evaluated constantly. I like most people like, you'll see, we have a corporate job. You might get evaluated by your boss or, you know, like a couple of people, but like I've got hundreds of people who can say what they think of me anonymously. Yeah, it is. It's terrible, especially for somebody that already has issues with depression. And so, you know, sometimes I don't do a great job. Sometimes I try really hard and you know, that semester I don't do a great job. And it's really. Or I think I did a great, uh, an okay job, but then people say nasty things. So, the hard part is letting go. And so one thing, and this, I don't know that this is a treatment for ADHD, but ADHD tends to not be people's only diagnosis. So, one of my kids is. We're is a teenager. And we did a, a DBT program and involves the parents. So even though I wasn't doing dialectical behavioral therapy in itself, like I wasn't the client, but I did all of, like I learned all the DBT skills and we did a group together with the teenagers and the parents. So I learned all this and it was fabulous. And so those skills, CBT skills have really helped for the depression and anxiety. So, cognitive behavioral therapy, thought records so that to fake or that if you fail, whatever that means to you, which to me is. It's not like outright failing it's that I didn't do as well as like,

Alicia: 43:11

it's your own standards that are really hanging you up. Right.

Alexis: 43:16

Right. And then to then think then I think myself that like, have all this negative self-talk and isn't really true.

Alicia: 43:28

Right, right. A random question or not random. Do you hold others to those saying extremely high standards?

Alexis: 43:40

That's a hard question. I'd say yes. So like on the one hand, I'm really, I'm really critical and I was brought up and, you know, you can go back generations of people being really critical. And I was brought up that perfection was the expectation. And you don't get praised for doing what you're supposed to be doing. And like, as a kid that I was like, I got A's. So I was supposed to be like, we know you're capable of it, and we're not going to praise you for doing well in school, but we'll criticize either way your time. Right. Yeah. And it was about a lot of things. And so, No, I've lost. I've been here. Uh, oh. And do I hold other people to this standard? So I do have high standards and, and I feel like over the years though, I've gotten better. And one of the things I learned in. DBT. And it was so difficult for me is validation. So not validating myself and validating others. So being able to see something good in everything. And that's just as hard for. Yeah, as it is for other people, folks, I mean, it's hard for me to see it in myself or maybe even harder for me to see. Good. That something good.

Alicia: 45:12

Can you tell me a funny story about you and your ADHD? It could be a ridiculous situation. You found yourself in or a. Anything like that funny ADHD story about yourself or a funny anecdote?

Alexis: 45:35

Um, I don't know, off the top of my head. Gosh, I don't, I bet they're funny things every day or, I mean, cause I had like a class and now that we're consumed too, I'm always like I just leave off in the middle of the sentence. Cause something pops up in the chat. I do that a lot. And I'm sure that it's been a here in opportune times, but I, you know, I might be able to think of, I'll probably think of something in the shower where I do my best thinking is in the shower. It's hard for me because I feel like it ends up being criticized so much, and yet there's so many good things about. Like we were talking before, like the ability to make these connections between all these things. Like that's something that a lot of people can't do.

Alicia: 46:35

Is I have an associates degree and I went to this highfalutin boarding school. I had grand plans of being the doctor. And, my diagnoses kept getting in the way. I finally managed to scrape everything together enough to make it through nursing school and associates program. Right. And I was so over the years it's been, a point of self-consciousness for me. And when you met me and we spoke and I brought that up. At no point did you ever make me feel self-conscious about it. At no point did you talk down to me about it? Like, oh, I have a PhD and you have an associates. You can't be that bright. You've always just been warm and welcoming and, and, pretty egalitarian in your approach to me. I've always really appreciated that that end effect that you have on multiple times told me I need to go get my master's in public health. So the fact that you see that potential in me is like a healing balm, right? Because so many times as an ADHD person, you hear the, you have such high potential if you would only... You could do this, if you would only... Why are you being lazy? You should be better at this and this. How can, you know, X, Y, Z high concept, and you don't know how to clean your room, you know, or insert some other perceived basic concept. After a lifetime of hearing that and having someone be like, I see something else, you know, that's, that's awesome. So yeah. Yes.

Alexis: 48:42

And you are awesome. I was telling my partner on the way back, we were someplace before this and I was telling him about you. And I'm like, she's really, really smart.

Alicia: 48:54

I appreciate it. Um, and playful, and it doesn't matter what degree. I'm going to eventually, listen, I'm going to eventually beat this bipolar and this trauma and this ADHD until enough shape that I can get that goddamn bachelor's so that I can move on to the other things that I want to do, because I do have other goals. It's just, when you don't find out that you have all of these things going on until you've had your second kid and you're 32. I mean, come on. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's definitely being, you know, sidelined it, you know, it's, it's definitely like that. And I'm fortunate enough to say I have a good support system. And that, even though I'm in the middle of a hard time right now, I'm still happier and healthier than I've ever been in my life.'Cause what a gift to know what's going on and be able to do something about it than having it sit there silently sabotaging you and, and have no idea what's going on and only have only feel like you have yourself to blame. Right? Like I'm just not good enough. Well, Alexis, I appreciate you so much. Thank you for being my first interview. Well there, you have it. That is my first interview with Alexis. I really just want to thank Alexis so much for her time and her wonderful insight. This is my first interview. So yes, there are some, some bumps and the editing might be interesting, but I really appreciate you sticking around long enough to get to this point. You can contact me at mamagotissuespod@gmail.com. If you have any questions or comments, hopefully you've got praises. And if possible, you can also leave me a review. If you like, what you heard also. Please subscribe. I've got more coming and I would love to have you continue on this journey with me. All right guys. Have a great day.