Welcome

Hey there! Join Alicia as she starts her journey to learn more about ADHD, Bipolar and Trauma. The ultimate goal is to live better. But just like Alicia wouldn't kick Simu Liu out her bed, she's not going to kick out fun nor visitors. Hopefully you will find something to relate to even without any of these diagnoses. Let's get at it. 

Transcript

Mama Got Issues Episode 1

[00:00:00] Alicia: The disclaimer, the following was for education and entertainment purposes only. It does not replace or supersede information and healthcare plans from your healthcare provider or healthcare team. If you have questions about individualize treat. Please consult your healthcare team or provide

[00:00:46] Welcome to mama got his shoes. My name is Alicia. We're all about ADHD, bipolar and trauma over here, I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar in 2016. Then I was diagnosed with [00:01:00] PTSD in 2021. After less than successful attempts, I'm on a mission to educate myself and others about ADHD, bipolar and trauma. I invite you on my journey too..

[00:01:13] Let's get going episode one. So I'm going to admit something. I am a bit terrified. If you know me do your best to kind of approach this with a lack of judgment. So I am a mom, a wife. I am a community activists. If you would call me that. I am queer. I am a former Georgian. Although once a Georgian, always a Georgian. So I am the youngest of my mom's seven kids. Yes. I said seven kids. My mom had the rare distinction of having five kids in three years. 

[00:01:57] As a kid, I was really sick. And [00:02:00] I hated my hometown from the very beginning. I probably was the only three to five-year-old who used to fantasize about getting out of their hometown. Due to some family tumult, we moved to Savannah. I was a gifted kid, with considerable quirks. I talked a lot. I would get obsessed with specific topics. Then I would just kind of dump that information in people's laps. I always felt like an outsider. And you know, it was interesting. It didn't matter how many friends I had. I always felt like an outsider.

[00:02:36] I went to high school originally and my hometown, well, my adopted hometown. Then I won a scholarship to a high school in the DMV area. For those who don't know what DMV means, I mean, DC, Maryland, Virginia area. If you know, you know. T hen after graduating, I moved [00:03:00] back the Savannah and dated my now husband.

[00:03:02] We got married. We moved to Florida. I went to nursing school. I started my career. I had my oldest son. But all along the way, things were not quite right. After having my first son, things became increasingly difficult for me. We moved to St. Louis and in St. Louis things got even harder, but I kept pushing through. We had our second son. This time around though it was revealed that part of what was so hard for me after having my sons was postpartum depression or what I believe with my oldest son to be postpartum 

[00:03:44] anxiety. 

[00:03:47] Alicia: As a result of getting treatment for the postpartum depression, I found myself in a situation where the depression seemed to be under control. I would be at work staring at the computer and [00:04:00] I would just blank. I would just hear white noise in my years. You know, like if you're older whenever TV used to go off.

[00:04:12] A lot of the younger kids don't even have any idea what I mean when I say the TV used to go off. Whenever they were done with the program for the night. They would slap that American flag up thereand then after that, just white noise. And that's what I would hear in my ear, staring at a computer and I will talk to my therapist about it.

[00:04:34] I was like, I don't know what else is going on. I hear this white noise. And it's just, it's like, I can't think. And she was the first person to go, "Have you ever considered that you may be a person with ADHD?" And I had considered it at one point in high school. I had some significant issues in high school. I [00:05:00] was told by my then psychologist, that it was more than likely depression causing my attention issues. But one thing that psychologist did not know was that I would dance on desks. I will never forget. 

[00:05:17] In second or first grade, I had a teacher named Ms. Joanne Parker and poor Ms. Parker. Oh my gosh. I would dance on desks. Literally get on top of the desk and put a foot on each desk and like straddle in between the desks and go at it. Once I went at it, other kids in the class, felt like they had permission to go at it too. Ooh. That poor woman. It was so bad. I had pretty severe asthma as a kid. Whenever I would have issues with my asthma, she would not give me my asthma medicine. This is back in the day [00:06:00] when albuterol, which was called Proventil then, was liquid and not in an inhaler. It was a very syrupy, sweet liquid, and they blamed my hyperactivity on the Proventil. S o she wouldn't give it to me. She taught me how to do breathing exercises and would send me to the water fountain to actually drink water and calm myself down and back myself off of an asthma attack. Now, fast forward to 2022, you know, and all the liability things that are in places, school that was pretty dangerous.

[00:06:39] You know, it really could be we've gone wrong. But this is what she came up with to cope. So my psychologist had no idea about this history. I was like 16, 17. I never thought to say anything to her about it, but I knew that I was having attention issues and issues with like late [00:07:00] deadlines and procrastination and lack of organization and who dear God, my poor dorm room at my high school. I found out that you can mold Coca-Cola under the right conditions. I kept my room at a temperature of about 85 degrees and I did not clean very often if at all. And I left an open can of Coca Cola and yeah, it molded. So under the right conditions, even though you can clean battery acid with Coca-Cola, you can make it mold.

[00:07:42] So the psychologist had no idea about all of that and she told me no. But fast forward, I'm in my thirties and I'm looking at a computer screen and I hear white noise. So, talk to my psychiatrist. [00:08:00] She sent me out to a psychologist for ADHD testing and evaluation. Once I talked with my psychologist about my childhood and he got some feedback from my mom and one of my oldest sisters. He definitely definitely was 100% convinced that I had ADHD and could not believe that it had been missed. He diagnosed me with ADHD. So I start treatment for ADHD. The treatments for ADHD can vary, but I chose the stimulant medication route. Thing about stimulant medication is if you have underlying bipolar, it can throw you into a massive medic episode. And guess what? Your girl went manic.

[00:08:50] So I found myself at a very low point and manic. I ended up hospitalized. Now, when I [00:09:00] got to the hospital, I was terrified. I had very biased and negative beliefs about mental health hospitalization. I went in there terrified. I got in there and it was some of what I thought. But ultimately it was very different from what I thought, because the people were kind and a lot like me and they just wanted help.

[00:09:36] So you know, I got out of there and my goal was get back up and running. You're a mom. You are a nurse. You got to get back up and running. You gotta contribute to your family. We need money, get back up and running. So I kind of patched myself up, moved on, got a new job [00:10:00] and did fine for a while, like a couple of years. Then stress began to catch up with me.

[00:10:08] I ended back up in the hospital. Again, not having learned my lesson from the first time around, did a patch up job and got going again. I decided that the issue had to be the stress and not the fact that I was doing a patch up job. If you had asked me if I was doing a patch up job, I would've said no way, I'm doing the work.

[00:10:34] And it's just that this is hard and I need less stress. Not to say that stress reduction doesn't help, but if you don't have the fundamental skills to be able to manage a stress in your condition, then, of course, you're going to end up in a situation where you just go back to where you started.

[00:10:57] So I got a new job, right? [00:11:00] Reduced stress. I'm working part time. Things are great. Right. I'm amazing at this job. And that's the thing about me. Start a job. I'm amazing. Then that stress kicks in and then that's where the trouble starts. So I work this job. It's a great job. Then COVID comes.

[00:11:24] For us that understand that COVID is suchan asshole, it, it will not be a surprise to you when I say that COVID made a fool of us all and me in particular. I thought I could handle it. Right. But there was so much stress and more stress and more stress. And then I made an interesting choice about finishing my degree and...

[00:11:54] I went manic. So there you go. I [00:12:00] struggled through a few months like that because manic episodes. Everyone thinks they last like a couple of weeks . I should have known this. I believe that manic episodes can last for months. You can be like actively having a manic episode and then kind of go onto like a brief pause or remission where you kind of.

[00:12:26] Find your equilibrium for a little bit. Then it ramps up. Then you come back. Then you're just kind of in this tug of war fighting it right. Trying to not let it take control. And it's, it's exhausting. So I kind of broke. And when I broke, I, I felt such disappointment and [00:13:00] myself just such massive disappointment. 

[00:13:05] Intro music: Hm. 

[00:13:08] Alicia: Now here I am. I am rebuilding. I am looking for a change. I have a lovely office that my husband built me and it is pretty representative of my personality. I have a quote board that I put various quotes on and I have various quotes on post-its throughout my office. The quote that's currently on my boards says, "don't sabotage your peace because chaos is familiar." That's where I am. You know, I'm working to find peace. I am working to not sabotage that peace. I am working to build a longer lasting peace this time around. [00:14:00] So I'm looking for a change, you know, being in tumult gets old. Having your whole life up ended every couple of years, gets old. B eing intermittently unreliable for your family and even your friends, it gets old.

[00:14:25] So what are we doing here? I am taking time to do a deep dive into my conditions. Right. I have been fortunate or unfortunate. However you wanna phrase it enough to be diagnosed with ADHD bipolar and icing on the cake PTSD. So I have these things that I have to live [00:15:00] with. I don't get to change them.

[00:15:02] This is how my brain works and I need to know how to live with them better. So that's what I'm doing. I'm doing a deep dive into these conditions. I will be learning about them kind of from the ground up. I am putting to the side the fact that I'm RN. Because if you are, a medical provider or RN, one thing that you realize over time is that you are a specialist in one area, right?

[00:15:38] If you are a general surgical, nurse, you know, general surg. If you're a med surg nurse, you know, med surg, your cardiac, you know, cardiac, right. And it's the same for doctors. We all receive a base education, but as we go along the path and our careers, we [00:16:00] choose a specialty. So just because I'm a RN, doesn't make me magically amazing at psychiatric nursing.

[00:16:10] That is an amazing specialty and it's not my specialty. So I'm going to be doing this deep dive. I'm going to be learning about these conditions as if I am just a novice, who has no idea what it even means to have ADHD bipolar or a trauma. And then, I'm going to be working on coping mechanisms and ways to make things better.

[00:16:50] I believe I can do it. I'm inviting you along on this journey because it's going to be fun. It's going to be frustrating [00:17:00] sometimes, but it's also going to be fun. I am also going to have some visitors to the podcast. I'm going to bring some people along for interviews, and we are going to talk about ways that their experience relates to these conditions. Yeah, that's what we're here to do. We're here to learn, be entertained a bit and to develop strategies and skills to live better. I believe that, while, I will be looking at things that are specific to ADHD, bipolar and trauma, there are things that are applicable to other life situations, right?

[00:17:52] Sometimes a coping mechanism doesn't only apply to one thing. [00:18:00] So, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. I'm looking forward to this. Thank you. If you've managed to listen this far. All right, let's get at it. I'll see you next time.